Thank you.

Morning.

This programme contains very strong language.

Morning, Cliff, let me take that. Thank you.

Up all night with these bloody things. At a time like this, for God's sake!

Going to have a pizza. Have you got the digest, please? ..Thank you.

Um...

Would you mind taking them? Oh, why? Um, Malcolm's there.

Malcolm? Where? In there? In there. Why?

It's just a social call.

A social call? Jesus Christ! Yeah.

Um...have you got him coffee?

Did you get him coffee?

I thought you were organising it. Oh, for Christ...

Fruit! Get lots of fruit. Can you get fruit? A pile of fruit and lots of coffee. Now! OK?

He's absolutely useless! He is! He's useless! He's as useless as a marzipan dildo.

I've got to go. The minister's just walked in.

Don't interrupt your call because of me. You're a minister of the Crown.

You don't need to listen to all of my chutney!

I'm sure it's much, much more interesting than chutney.

No, no, no. It's... It's a...

my cock-up, as usual. I thought that Graham Dixon was doing a briefing, and it turns out it's Graham Hughes.

Too many Grahams around. We ought to kill some of them. Exactly!

So... So...

God, look, I'm sorry about the fuck-up about the coffee. Oh, God...

How am I supposed to run a department if I can't get the Prime Minister's enforcer a cup of fucking coffee?

No, no, that's OK. Listen, the thing is...

you are doing a bloody good job here, Cliff.

With all this shit in the paper about whether I'm going or not... Yeah.

Terri, can you bring the Mail in, please? ..Have you seen the Mail?

Is that "Lawton dangles by a thread"? Yeah! Dangles by a thread!

It's OK. We've got... Lawton dangles by a thread? We've got. It's OK. Do keep it.

Yeah. No, just leave it there. Thank you, Terri. There's a lot of them, isn't there?

It started with the Telegraph diary, but just more and more and more.

Seriously, the PM likes you personally.

I like you personally, and we've absolutely no desire to get rid of you. I just want you to know that.

None of this negative stuff is coming from us.

Oh, no, mate. That...

..makes a big difference. Makes me feel a lot more secure. Does it?

Well, it's difficult.

What's difficult? Just endless headlines, day after day.

It's chipping away at confidence. Absolutely. The thing is... we're starting to look weak.

Everybody's saying, "When's he gonna go. When's he gonna go?"

Right... And you don't want us to look weak, do you? No, no... So there you are!

That's why you've gotta go.

No.

Yes. No. KNOCK AT DOOR

Would you like some coffee? Fuck off! Tea?

Malcolm, look, um...

They're like wolves...

pissed wolves. I've made the announcement. I've told the Lobby.

You've told the Lobby I'm going?

Yeah. Sorry, Cliff.

Minister... Yeah, get used to "Cliff".

I've drafted a letter of resignation. It says you're jumping before you're pushed,

although we're going to be briefing that you were pushed. Sorry.

Um...

Look, you don't need to do all this. What about Tom, yeah? Everybody knows he's fucking up Transport.

We can't sack Tom at Transport! We can't lose anyone at Transport, they're important!

What, and Social Affairs isn't?

Oh... OK, the Department of Social Affairs is very important, but it's not Transport.

Transport's cars, buses, trucks...

I know what Transport fucking entails!

Look, look...

HUGH SIGHS DEEPLY

I'll look at them.

"Personal reasons"?

Yeah. I thought that would give you adequate scope. Scope?

What like, um, shooting up in the Cabinet office or something? What?

You have had a good innings. You have been here for 18 months

and, you know, I have written some very nice things about you in the PM's reply to your resignation.

Some very nice fucking things indeed! I had a lump in my throat, and you know why?

Because no-one who matters thinks any the less of you over this... SO FAR, OK?

Right, one more thing. The Daily Mail.

David Topham has got it into his head that we are going to sack you because of Press pressure.

I wonder why(!) Look, you're in no position to dish out fucking sarcasm, that's over.

before you are pushed. We were going to push you because of your deeply-held fucking personal issues!

You want me to write my own obituary?

Get on the fucking phone!

Do it now!

Morning!

Good morning. Have you seen the Times? No. Jo Cherman. She's been a bit of a bitch, actually.

Well, she always is. Yeah.

Everything in this package is small! We'll go down, the local yokels will take photographs

and that's fine. They'll snap away for 20... 20 minutes is enough.

He's here now, so don't worry. Morning, Hugh!

Good morning. Come on!

Terri, shush! I've got something very important to say. I've got...

Olly, I've got something for us. I got us a very tasty little morsel,

because I had a chat with my very good friend the Prime Minister of Great Britain... Oh, really? Oh?

Yes, and remember the, um...

Olly, your benefit unit fraud...

Anti-Benefit Fraud Executive - ABFE.

ABFE? Um, Scrounger Squad...

Snooper Squad. Snooper Squad! The one with spending implications? Yes.

The Prime Minister's view is, "Fuck the spending implications, I like it."

Good. So this is us, we're on the map.

So the Prime Minister's authorised you to announce it?

Well, that's very much what he signalled, yes, very clearly.

He said he's right behind us and it's what we should be doing.