OK, right. Right, I'm fixing you up with a main man media piece with your ex Angela Heaney but...

it is a perfect opportunity to show just how clued-up you are actually.

Hughie Abbot, the in-touch guy, you're on the ball,

you know the price of a pint of milk,

you love VH1, Pixar, you dig The Streets...

No, no, they're all great.

You've got absolutely no fucking idea what I'm talking about, do you?

Yeah, yeah I do.

Who's the only gay in the village?

Eddie Grundy. I don't know, because I know that he's got children,

mind you a lot of them do these days you know Ben at the Foreign Office.

What's a chav?

Ch...erm... You must know this!

Hugh, what is a chav? A chav, you must know what a chav...

Look just saying chav isn't very helpful.

This is important stuff, Hugh.

Right, we do a weekly digest for the Prime Minister,

we boil down the week's television, cinema, music, so on.

The Zeitgeist tapes. Exactly, it's EastEnders highlights,

choice bits from all the reality shows,

ten second music videos, that kind of thing.

God that's why the PM also looks so clued-up,

I always thought he was genuinely quite with it.

He's as bad as you, he uses phrases like "with it" as well.

I'm gonna bike that over to Terri. Watch it, OK?

Listen, when you talk to Angela Heaney,

remember to stick the boot into Hewitt.

I'm putting it about that Cliff offered him two weeks at his Tuscan villa for that piece, OK?

10-4, daddy-o. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. This is serious.

You have got 24 hours to sort out your policy on EastEnders, right?

or you're for the Halal butchers.

HE MIMICS THE EASTENDERS DRUMS

Even he knows.

Terri, two main contenders for our policy decision... Right.

Erm, we change Arts and Music policy funding,

so that we give most of the money to the bad kids,