Press Office

No, Tom isn't immediately available to you. Fuck off.

I told the press pack, would I?

You take them off every time you come in here, it's not impressive.

Meanwhile, back in Gotham City, the Express is running the idea

And Steve Fleming wants you to do some local media.

He's impressive, Malcolm, in an evil way. Like those women at Crufts who make dogs dance on their hind legs.

All right? And we just need you to pop a press pack in the

They want you to come in and draft a press release. And by draft I mean

Big shit, granola, check the e-mail, shower and a shave, Nespresso...

Pravda! Soviet newspaper.

that the press can take pictures of them! How was I to know?

has been picking on a man with a history of depression.

Peter Mannion has been picking on a man with a history of depression.

As a minister I should at least express condolences.

Listen, Phil, I was a journalist, OK?

Emma, it's Phil, same message as before. Tickle's topped himself, the press want me to respond,

All aboard the Hogwarts express

I come bearing broadcast journalists.

and Cuntface to culture media and sport.

Sky lady, you need to go now, get her immediately.

The press have been hoofing an email about that proves

I'm just working on Fergus's Carer's Pass press release...

Yeah, well. Two years doing press for npower, it never leaves you.

stony face with no expression. But that'll be easy for you.

between political parties and the public media.

Erm, and would you like to express any remorse for Mr Tickel's death?

How can we make the government and the media inclusive without being intrusive? Yeah...

being communicated to journalists?

Er, I'm a media strategist.

Yes, The Guardian, the newspaper that hates newspapers.

So, you accept leaking as part and parcel of the political media machinery?

the newspapers would just be full of long-lense bikini shots,

They get media shrapnel right in the face.

Sorry, can I just say... We are very pressed for time.

apparently, tonally, I have a very depressing voice.

Erm, sort of, media strategies, political strategies...