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Ministerial Database

Policy Unit Press Office Incident Reports

Last updated: 11/10/2025 | System ID: DQARS-2024

Incident Reports

Official documentation of various crises

1,794 items

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Search ministerial quotes

Jamie McDonald

Terri Coverley

Screenshots

Screenshot: Of course it's going
to fucking go ahead,

Of course it's going to fucking go ahead,

Screenshot: I mean I'm good but I can't
fucking hold back the tide!

I mean I'm good but I can't fucking hold back the tide!

Screenshot: You're fucking on your own!

You're fucking on your own!

Screenshot: I know you're asleep by now
from Hugh, love to the kids,

I know you're asleep by now from Hugh, love to the kids,

Screenshot: How many did Doug's piece of shit
get at report? God, at least 200.

How many did Doug's piece of shit get at report? God, at least 200.

Screenshot: Then it got fucked in the Lords. It
was more amendment than Bill, in the
end. We're doing a press release?

Then it got fucked in the Lords. It was more amendment than Bill, in the end. We're doing a press release?

Screenshot: "Hugh Abbot, today announced...

"Hugh Abbot, today announced...

Screenshot: "I'm the fuckin' daddy!"

"I'm the fuckin' daddy!"

Screenshot: Dan fucking Miller! Yeah.

Dan fucking Miller! Yeah.

Screenshot: Dan Miller is a junior minister and
he's not done at all badly. Just
a bit green. Now... You turning...

Dan Miller is a junior minister and he's not done at all badly. Just a bit green. Now... You turning...

Screenshot: ..a bit green yourself there,
minister? What're you saying? What
you saying? You saying I'm jealous?

..a bit green yourself there, minister? What're you saying? What you saying? You saying I'm jealous?

Screenshot: I know where it's fucking been.

I know where it's fucking been.

Screenshot: Bit of supper with the Prime
Minister, just the two of us.

Bit of supper with the Prime Minister, just the two of us.

Screenshot: you give me Hugh Abbot,
I'll give you bangers and mash.

you give me Hugh Abbot, I'll give you bangers and mash.

Screenshot: to a fuckin' risotto and scallops,
you know?

to a fuckin' risotto and scallops, you know?

Screenshot: Fucking hell, this... No, it's not
funny. Political breakthrough night!

Fucking hell, this... No, it's not funny. Political breakthrough night!

Screenshot: Fuck, yes! Wish me luck.
I'm going without the tie.

Fuck, yes! Wish me luck. I'm going without the tie.

Screenshot: Obviously life and death(!)
Infected ear, huge crisis,

Obviously life and death(!) Infected ear, huge crisis,

Screenshot: hold the front-page Shuttle
disaster(!) I had to drive 20 miles

hold the front-page Shuttle disaster(!) I had to drive 20 miles

Screenshot: (a huge, fuck-off, grace-and-favour
pad. Why haven't I got one?)

(a huge, fuck-off, grace-and-favour pad. Why haven't I got one?)

Screenshot: Good evening, Minister. Oh! Thank
you! If you'd like to step this way.

Good evening, Minister. Oh! Thank you! If you'd like to step this way.

Screenshot: Ah'm gonna take you DOWN, mu'fucker!
Where are you from?

Ah'm gonna take you DOWN, mu'fucker! Where are you from?

Screenshot: I'm from Lincolnshire - the
windmills, the potatoes, the shit.

I'm from Lincolnshire - the windmills, the potatoes, the shit.

Screenshot: I think the Minister's ducking.
He's actually ducked!

I think the Minister's ducking. He's actually ducked!

Screenshot: I TOLD him that fucking flat w...

I TOLD him that fucking flat w...

Screenshot: Fuck! She's just gone to The Mail.
I'm onto it!

Fuck! She's just gone to The Mail. I'm onto it!

Screenshot: Where the fuck is he?!
The goldfish bowl. Fuck!

Where the fuck is he?! The goldfish bowl. Fuck!

Screenshot: I am very sorry... Can I just borrow
the minister for a moment? Sure.

I am very sorry... Can I just borrow the minister for a moment? Sure.

Screenshot: ..know what the fuck is going on?!

..know what the fuck is going on?!

Screenshot: ..FUCKED...!
Do let me know if you need anything.

..FUCKED...! Do let me know if you need anything.

Screenshot: "Fuck off, he's selling it. Go away."
Then Hugh's got a place in town.

"Fuck off, he's selling it. Go away." Then Hugh's got a place in town.

Screenshot: Why the fuck is your
girlfriend hitting us with this?
She's not my girlfriend, Malcolm.

Why the fuck is your girlfriend hitting us with this? She's not my girlfriend, Malcolm.

Screenshot: which masks many negative feelings
about this fuckin' department.
MOBILE RINGS

which masks many negative feelings about this fuckin' department. MOBILE RINGS

Screenshot: Hugh. Hmm? Did you mention me
by name? Um...

Hugh. Hmm? Did you mention me by name? Um...

Screenshot: Thank you very much!
Thanks a fucking bunch!

Thank you very much! Thanks a fucking bunch!

Screenshot: "Minister In Disgusting Defecation
Outburst"! Mollie Sugden at No. 10 -
did you enjoy your shit, Mr Abbot?

"Minister In Disgusting Defecation Outburst"! Mollie Sugden at No. 10 - did you enjoy your shit, Mr Abbot?

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