Incident Reports

Right, so I'm 24% fucked according to you

but according to you I'm 120% fucked.

I'm bringing forward Hugh's interview with Angela Heaney to this afternoon.

Shit. Yeah, I know but people watch it, this gets six million.

Oh, shit.

She's in The fucking Bill.

This doesn't necessarily have to be a total fucking disaster.

they're fucking actors so they're not technically people at all.

Your fucking legend is a fucking actress.

Hire an opinionist, it's only three Liberals, two fucking Mavericks and a racist!

Why didn't you run it past me for once? Oh, shit, shit!

Fuck, fuck!

Yes... Come out of the cupboard, Hugh. No.

Hugh, we have to sort this out.

So "middle England" is a big fucking field with one woman standing in it.

Of course he fucking will, she's his mole.

We put out the story the way we want it, before Hewitt fucks us up the bugle, get onto it now.

It's not my fault. The agency lied to us, Hugh, the agency lied to me, it's not my responsibility...

What the fuck? You're a broken vase.

You want me to wear a fucking Hawaiian shirt? I'll see if we can find one(!)

No, she can't have a car. Don't fucking mother me, OK?

Mary, you know Hugh, you've met Glenn before... Yeah...

and you end up all over the place like a crazy woman's shit and that's OUR problem.

That film Notting Hill, have you seen that? She's probably fucking in it.

That's going to be you, darling, they'll be all over you like fucking cockroaches.

so I hope your knickers are clean because every sniffing shit-bag

cos now it's in the fucking public interest, isn't it?

And they're gonna hit you with any shit they can find

I mean I don't know what shit that he made you sign

but whatever it was it was bullshit.

No I... You fucking spoke to Simon Hewitt.

He's a fat guy with a tiny little dick, you fucking spoke to him.

You didn't speak to him. She didn't fucking speak to him.

Fuck's sake. What's the matter with him? Olly...

Jesus. For fuck's sake!

She didn't even know. Fuck 'em.