Incident Reports

They should just clone ministers so we're born at 55 with no past.

like that fucking brushed-aluminium Dan Miller cyberprick!

Steely-jawed, far-away look in your eyes. Before they sit in the pub going, "That fucker's got to go,"

"He was hounded out by the fucking Press!" How about THAT, huh?

(It's probably gonna be... It's gonna be Hugh that has to go this time.)

Tom's finishing up with the Prime Minister now. I'm gonna join them.

Any fucker can sit behind a pot-plant,

and I'll put the letter on Hugh's desk. I can very easily say the same!

I'M not doing that. Why the fuck not? Hugh's my friend, I'M not doing it.

by his fucking wig.

Well, fuck off!

Thank you! You're a fucking star. That's OK.

Sam... Yeah, of course. ..Hugh, Hugh.

Yes? Prime Minister. Could you...?

Oh! Hello. Is everything all right, Minister? Mmm.

What? 'Put me on the speakerphone.' It's the minister. Oh. '..Inquiry.'

Hugh. Oh! ..Malcolm's just joined us.

Right, Hugh, um...the good news.

OK, fuck off, you've a department to run.

I want you, Terri and Ollie over here right now. Not Hugh.

Do not bring Hugh to Downing Street.

Hugh, I've seen Monkton's report. It's not good. OK.

Ah, Hugh. Yup. Bye. Yup.

Hugh. I mean, with the other two, it's just another day, eh? I know.

Department of fucking shocking, shitty, charlatan SHIT! That's...

Oh, Dan! Hi, Hugh. Is Ollie about? No, he's with Tucker. They all are.

just talking about how fucked I am.

I'd actually be Prime Minister by now.

The line is we don't throw a good man to the wolves over one little fuck-up.

So Hugh's staying? Yeah.

Tell the wolves to fuck off. Not exactly.

We've been through this! Apparently, I'm Ronald fucking McDonald(!)

Grow up! Don't give me that pile of fucking bollocks!

Just because you're a civil servant, don't think your shit doesn't smell!

You're so fucking repressed... I was just playing squash!

Well DON'T, Hugh! No, I've been thinking. It'll be VERY good.