Incident Reports

for the last fucking eight years Waa-waa-waa-waa-waa!

Oh, how quickly they grow up. You fucking think you know me?

You know Jackie fucking Chan about me.

You know fuck all about me!

I am totally beyond the realms of your fucking tousle-haired,

fucking dim-witted compre-fucking-hension.

I don't just take this fucking job home, you know.

I take this job home, it fucking ties me to the bed,

and it fucking fucks me from arsehole to breakfast.

to make sure I'm awake enough so it can kick me in the fucking bollocks.

This job has taken me in every hole in my fucking body.

Malcolm fucking left the building fucking years ago!

This is a fucking husk.

I am a fucking host for this fucking job.

Yeah. Yes, you do fucking want this job.

Then, you're going to have to fucking swallow this whole fucking life

Getting bigger and bigger and bigger until it fucking eats your insides alive

Malcolm, this sounds like the fucking video you leave on YouTube

I'm as dead as fucking 2 Tone.

I'm going to leave the stage with my head held fucking high, right?

What you're going to see is a masterclass in fucking dignity, son.

Well, fuck them.

Hi. Nicola Murray, Leader of... Oh! I've got to stop saying that.

of balling my fucking eyes out disappointed about this.

and doing a fucking hookie waltz with Abu Hamza?

If they video this as well, I'm going to swallow my own fucking thumbs.

Boom! Fuck the Home Office.

Yeah. Double stamped. Fuck the police!

Phil, can you stop pretending you're in The Sweeney and just give me a fucking fact?

Peter, we need to get as many staff as possible down to Lewisham, OK?

He's the backlog. Err, Peter. Um? Yeah.

What the fuck? This is... I've been getting calls for 15 minutes.

which was... What? ..dealing with this arrest backlog. Can't you react to events? Fuck!

Shit, it's off-grid! It'd be here, the vector would be here.

Let's put the fucker in a cell with a genuine psychopath.

Olly. What the fuck are we doing here? Everything's fine.