Incident Reports

Nah, he's just a fucking air bag.

I know he's a fucking air bag,

but if he goes off now in Nicola's face,

Wow, I'm fine, thanks, for asking, Wednesday fucking Addams.

Olly, this is the shittiest lunch break

Patience, old man, and you can watch the fuck puppet master at work now.

'Why, what's Nicola offering?' Name your price.

I'm serious, stop fucking laughing. All right, I'll, I'll call you back.

This is a fucking joke. Ben Swain, Chancellor.

Just give it to the fucker. It's fine.

Shit a thimble. Right, well.

I'll take the red box containing the fucking red box,

Christ in a diamond heist, the dopey fucking bollard.

Fuck Ben. Fuck Ben. Brilliant, give me some skin,

It's what Nicola's offering me.

out of one of the darkest economic periods in its entire fucking art history.

Ha, ha, Chumba-fucking-Wumba.

because that burley haemorrhoid's not in any fucking Cabinet of mine.

Oh, he'll be back. Like the shit Terminator.

Ben Swain. I know, she's a crazy woman. Nicola's got to go.

Oh wind it up, Polly fucking Toynbee.

The last two years stuck in that fucking office

like some kind of fucking dancing bear.

The massive fuck's gone to ground somehow and nobody's felt the aftershocks.

Oh, Glenn, you wrinkled beauty. This is an emergency situation, Nicola,

You're on the ropes, Nicola, do something fucking drastic.

I fucking know I'm stuck on a train. Just attack, attack, and do it

Fine, fine, good. Thank you, Malcolm. Fuck off.

You're not fucking pregnant. It's just Prosecco. Just get on with it.

just whisper it to a fucking dead tramp.

Great, thank you, Nicola.

Thank you. Nicola has to take a very urgent call, thank you so much.

I have to get off this train, I'm hyper fucking ventilating.

No, she hardly swears at all actually, the occasional "shit."

I'm gonna kill Ben Swain, I'm gonna fucking, fucking kill Ben Swain.

I'm gonna get some fucking giant Yorkie, and ram it down his gizzard.