Incident Reports

"you are a fucking waste of skin."

So have you seen this? Nicola Murray is unelectable?

Is that it then, is she fucked?

onto her fucking fat, unelectable, smug head.

IN DIFFERENT ACCENTS: "I fucking hate you",

"I hate you," "I fucking hate you,"

dead a year, playing cribbage with Jimmy fucking Saville.

This is it, Jack fucking Bauer,

I look forward to you fucking off actually. Thanks very much.

more than the Prime Minister, I mean, what do I expect next,

Yeah, just give them ten minutes' bullshit

for Nicola Potter and the Prisoner of AzkerBradford.

Hello, hi. Nicola Murray.

No, it's Olly Reeder. Who the fuck's Preston?

I need you lot to make like a tree, and go fuck yourselves.

I didn't realise you were so fucking busy.

I want to see this turn around. I can't leave while we're getting fucked in the polls,

and we're getting fucked consistently and repeatedly like a horse in the fucking Hebrides.

but what's the solution? Nicola has to go. Today.

so that Dan Miller can become the next Prime Minister!

Fuck you very much, Malcolm.

I'm asking you, because you're a big fucking beast.

I'm not fucking going there.

fuck off breakfasts at Dubai hotels, tours of secret Russian sex shops.

I'd have done it just to see the look on Nicola's face.

you might as well do a shit in the aisle.

Shitting quitting.

Fuck off! Shut up!

Yeah, I am. All right, I'll get you a fucking pizza.

everything's a fucking adventure.

Yes, Mr Happy on the other hand, fucking delighted.

Remember the email that Nicola sent ages ago,

husband's PFI contracts fucked the whole thing.

Nicola, is it true there's a rumour that Ben Swain is going to resign?

I think Helen in the vestibule, Nicola.

Helen, yes. Some serious shit's going down.