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Policy Unit Press Office Incident Reports

Last updated: 11/10/2025 | System ID: DQARS-2024

Incident Reports

Official documentation of various crises

1,794 items

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Search ministerial quotes

Jamie McDonald

Terri Coverley

Screenshots

Screenshot: was hugely entertaining when we were in opposition and shitting money

was hugely entertaining when we were in opposition and shitting money

Screenshot: Oh, very droll, Peter.

Oh, very droll, Peter.

Screenshot: Your office says Peter Mannion and Stewart Pearson should check their phones and call back now, please.

Your office says Peter Mannion and Stewart Pearson should check their phones and call back now, please.

Screenshot: Peter's going nowhere

Peter's going nowhere

Screenshot: Peter resigns over my dead body.

Peter resigns over my dead body.

Screenshot: Peter Mannion, mine's the old Nokia. It's engaged.

Peter Mannion, mine's the old Nokia. It's engaged.

Screenshot: Download the intel, Peter. Come on. Put it on speaker.

Download the intel, Peter. Come on. Put it on speaker.

Screenshot: The wound in his paw's gone septic. Oh, please, Peter, move on.

The wound in his paw's gone septic. Oh, please, Peter, move on.

Screenshot: OK, it's my turn on that signal, Peter, get down.

OK, it's my turn on that signal, Peter, get down.

Screenshot: Wait, I'm listening to the fucking message.

Wait, I'm listening to the fucking message.

Screenshot: Stop being so childish. Jesus Christ. Just get down, Peter.

Stop being so childish. Jesus Christ. Just get down, Peter.

Screenshot: Update, Phil's intercepting Peter.

Update, Phil's intercepting Peter.

Screenshot: What was it...? What was it Peter said to those Welsh chartered surveyors?

What was it...? What was it Peter said to those Welsh chartered surveyors?

Screenshot: What's that? I'm supposed to be commenting on a suicide not a fucking camel race.

What's that? I'm supposed to be commenting on a suicide not a fucking camel race.

Screenshot: No, Peter. Stewart, what are you doing?

No, Peter. Stewart, what are you doing?

Screenshot: A conference on crisis management that's been scuppered by an actual fucking crisis.

A conference on crisis management that's been scuppered by an actual fucking crisis.

Screenshot: What's on your tie? Tintin moon rockets. Oh, for fuck's sake.

What's on your tie? Tintin moon rockets. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Screenshot: Here he is! Minister! Minister, does the government have blood on its hands?

Here he is! Minister! Minister, does the government have blood on its hands?

Screenshot: Shouldn't you have done more, Minister? Please! Not the trousers.

Shouldn't you have done more, Minister? Please! Not the trousers.

Screenshot: Peter, we might need to relaunch the trousers.

Peter, we might need to relaunch the trousers.

Screenshot: Peter, I have a bit of news that I should probably make you aware of.

Peter, I have a bit of news that I should probably make you aware of.

Screenshot: I had a moment of weakness and they exploited it, like Hugh Grant.

I had a moment of weakness and they exploited it, like Hugh Grant.

Screenshot: I sometimes buy the Big Issue out of social embarrassment, I don't buy a fucking bank.

I sometimes buy the Big Issue out of social embarrassment, I don't buy a fucking bank.

Screenshot: Oh... Peter, this is so fucking us.

Oh... Peter, this is so fucking us.

Screenshot: All right, don't need to shit yourself about it because we're not buying it, OK?

All right, don't need to shit yourself about it because we're not buying it, OK?

Screenshot: Oh, great, the triple! I'm a nurse killer, a banker and now I'm raising fucking taxes!

Oh, great, the triple! I'm a nurse killer, a banker and now I'm raising fucking taxes!

Screenshot: You look like the Shit Family Robinson. Aaahhhh!

You look like the Shit Family Robinson. Aaahhhh!

Screenshot: Jesus Christ! Shit!

Jesus Christ! Shit!

Screenshot: Er, Peter, speaking of socially embarrassing situations,

Er, Peter, speaking of socially embarrassing situations,

Screenshot: what the fuck were you doing being photographed on a slide?

what the fuck were you doing being photographed on a slide?

Screenshot: It was the only place we could get a fucking signal.

It was the only place we could get a fucking signal.

Screenshot: Peter, Number 10 have seen the photo. They don't want you to make a statement.

Peter, Number 10 have seen the photo. They don't want you to make a statement.

Screenshot: I'm gonna go and talk Stewart down. I don't want the fucking trousers.

I'm gonna go and talk Stewart down. I don't want the fucking trousers.

Screenshot: ADAM: Peter, sorry to take this off you.

ADAM: Peter, sorry to take this off you.

Screenshot: Oh, Peter, that tie's a bit rubbish, isn't it?

Oh, Peter, that tie's a bit rubbish, isn't it?

Screenshot: Buy some flowers for Nicola fucking Murray.

Buy some flowers for Nicola fucking Murray.

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