Skip to main content

OFFICIAL-SENSITIVE - FOR INTERNAL USE - RESTRICTED ACCESSRESTRICTED ACCESS

Support|GSI: 020 7276 1234

Department for Social Affairs & Citizenship

Civil Service Digital

Ministerial Database

Policy Unit Press Office Incident Reports

Last updated: 11/10/2025 | System ID: DQARS-2024

Incident Reports

Official documentation of various crises

1,794 items

dosac.uk is a fan project and is not affiliated with the BBC, The Thick of It or any of its creators.

This site is not affiliated with or endorsed by the UK Government or any associated bodies.

Search ministerial quotes

Jamie McDonald

Terri Coverley

Screenshots

Screenshot: I want Sarah to do the cars.
I want her to pimp
the ministerial rides. Come on!

I want Sarah to do the cars. I want her to pimp the ministerial rides. Come on!

Screenshot: Fire up the mid-range saloons.
Nicola Murray, just the girl!

Fire up the mid-range saloons. Nicola Murray, just the girl!

Screenshot: In 20 minutes' time,
the Prime Minister of Great Britain
and Northern Ireland

In 20 minutes' time, the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

Screenshot: Shitting Henry!

Shitting Henry!

Screenshot: Exactly, exactly, exactly, Nicola!
See that, that fucking gibbering?

Exactly, exactly, exactly, Nicola! See that, that fucking gibbering?

Screenshot: That's what everyone
is doing now, the fucking cabal,
the fucking opposition, fucking us!

That's what everyone is doing now, the fucking cabal, the fucking opposition, fucking us!

Screenshot: Stay. No, look. Please don't ring...!
Don't fucking ring her.

Stay. No, look. Please don't ring...! Don't fucking ring her.

Screenshot: It's time to tell the Yanks
to fuck off. Come on.

It's time to tell the Yanks to fuck off. Come on.

Screenshot: It's fucking huge, isn't it?

It's fucking huge, isn't it?

Screenshot: Hello, yes, sorry, I'd just like to
put you on to our mutual
acquaintance, Nicola Murray.

Hello, yes, sorry, I'd just like to put you on to our mutual acquaintance, Nicola Murray.

Screenshot: There's nobody there. Yeah, I spoke
to her already. You fucker!

There's nobody there. Yeah, I spoke to her already. You fucker!

Screenshot: They're always looking for cleaners
there. You fucker, Malcolm!

They're always looking for cleaners there. You fucker, Malcolm!

Screenshot: Stuart! Stuart?
The Fucker's downstairs. No, no, no.

Stuart! Stuart? The Fucker's downstairs. No, no, no.

Screenshot: He is, and he is complete poison.
Ah, The Fucker!

He is, and he is complete poison. Ah, The Fucker!

Screenshot: No, because... I've come here to
tell you that you're fucking sacked.

No, because... I've come here to tell you that you're fucking sacked.

Screenshot: Shall I escort Stuart
from the building?
Don't be such a fucking turncoat.

Shall I escort Stuart from the building? Don't be such a fucking turncoat.

Screenshot: Could you find a hostel,
go there and take a fucking
overdose of barbiturates?

Could you find a hostel, go there and take a fucking overdose of barbiturates?

Screenshot: Get on to the J drive.
You'll find key...
Fuck, that is brilliant!

Get on to the J drive. You'll find key... Fuck, that is brilliant!

Screenshot: Fuck, what I really need to do
is shoot you all in the back of
the head! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck, what I really need to do is shoot you all in the back of the head! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Screenshot: So fucking what? Some people,
they just fucking love to hate.

So fucking what? Some people, they just fucking love to hate.

Screenshot: Some people, they'd fucking walk
around the fucking Garden of Eden

Some people, they'd fucking walk around the fucking Garden of Eden

Screenshot: fucking moaning about the lack
of fucking mobile reception.

fucking moaning about the lack of fucking mobile reception.

Screenshot: These are the kind of fucks
who watched Mandela,
fucking Nelson Mandela...

These are the kind of fucks who watched Mandela, fucking Nelson Mandela...

Screenshot: So we fucking forget about them.

So we fucking forget about them.

Screenshot: Now it's the colour
of the fucking BBC weather map.

Now it's the colour of the fucking BBC weather map.

Screenshot: It looks like anaemic dogshit.

It looks like anaemic dogshit.

Screenshot: and their hordes
of fucking robots.

and their hordes of fucking robots.

Screenshot: Bend down, pick up any
fucking weapon you can
and twat the fuckery out of them.

Bend down, pick up any fucking weapon you can and twat the fuckery out of them.

Screenshot: It will be fucked.

It will be fucked.

Screenshot: Let's get out there
and let's fucking kill them.

Let's get out there and let's fucking kill them.

Screenshot: Car's here. Car's here, Nicola.

Car's here. Car's here, Nicola.

Screenshot: I want a fucking chocolate biscuit!

I want a fucking chocolate biscuit!

Screenshot: See you, Nicola!

See you, Nicola!

Screenshot: When is Peter getting in? That nurse is becoming a bit of a running sore

When is Peter getting in? That nurse is becoming a bit of a running sore

Screenshot: Mr Tickel. He's not still in his fucking tent is he?

Mr Tickel. He's not still in his fucking tent is he?

Screenshot: Peter. Can we talk Tickle?

Peter. Can we talk Tickle?

Previous pagePage 34 of 50Next page

Incident Reports - Page 34 | DOSAC.UK