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Policy Unit Press Office Incident Reports

Last updated: 11/10/2025 | System ID: DQARS-2024

Incident Reports

Official documentation of various crises

1,794 items

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Search ministerial quotes

Jamie McDonald

Terri Coverley

Screenshots

Screenshot: He's fucking dead as well, that fucking texting coward.

He's fucking dead as well, that fucking texting coward.

Screenshot: Give me his number. What's his fucking number?

Give me his number. What's his fucking number?

Screenshot: - Give me the fucking number... - Click off the screen now.

- Give me the fucking number... - Click off the screen now.

Screenshot: If you don't give me his fucking number, I'm going to have to fucking go to fucking Ruislip

If you don't give me his fucking number, I'm going to have to fucking go to fucking Ruislip

Screenshot: with a name like fucking Tim!

with a name like fucking Tim!

Screenshot: He doesn't actually work here. Vamoose! You lot, fucking vamoose! Johnny fucking Depp, get in here.

He doesn't actually work here. Vamoose! You lot, fucking vamoose! Johnny fucking Depp, get in here.

Screenshot: I'll fucking shove a fucking magnet down your throat and watch your fucking face implode. Get in.

I'll fucking shove a fucking magnet down your throat and watch your fucking face implode. Get in.

Screenshot: talks about fucking dodgy donors, OK, because it makes everybody look bad.

talks about fucking dodgy donors, OK, because it makes everybody look bad.

Screenshot: The one who got a bit carried away and fucking slapped his kids a little bit too much. Fucking broke the skin!

The one who got a bit carried away and fucking slapped his kids a little bit too much. Fucking broke the skin!

Screenshot: All they need's a good slap but do please remember to leave your fucking rings on.

All they need's a good slap but do please remember to leave your fucking rings on.

Screenshot: He's got fucking hands the size of fucking doors! Oh, you want to talk about hard men, Malcolm.

He's got fucking hands the size of fucking doors! Oh, you want to talk about hard men, Malcolm.

Screenshot: At the back of my fucking filing cabinet, I've got a fucking photograph that

At the back of my fucking filing cabinet, I've got a fucking photograph that

Screenshot: I've been waiting for a fucking rainy day to show everyone, a photo of your fucking Shadow Chancellor

I've been waiting for a fucking rainy day to show everyone, a photo of your fucking Shadow Chancellor

Screenshot: at one of his fucking parties, dressed up in fucking bra, suspenders and fucking black face!

at one of his fucking parties, dressed up in fucking bra, suspenders and fucking black face!

Screenshot: What's his defence going to be, eh, when I email that to the fucking Sun?

What's his defence going to be, eh, when I email that to the fucking Sun?

Screenshot: Hang your own guy out to fucking dry?

Hang your own guy out to fucking dry?

Screenshot: What, Peter Mannion MP,

What, Peter Mannion MP,

Screenshot: Carry on like this and I might not find you utterly fucking contemptible.

Carry on like this and I might not find you utterly fucking contemptible.

Screenshot: Well, you could fucking use it.

Well, you could fucking use it.

Screenshot: Don't you fucking start.

Don't you fucking start.

Screenshot: Er, excuse me, is this a car for Nicola Murray?

Er, excuse me, is this a car for Nicola Murray?

Screenshot: into fucking ear plugs.

into fucking ear plugs.

Screenshot: Nicola, just relax.

Nicola, just relax.

Screenshot: Fucking hell!

Fucking hell!

Screenshot: The Prime Minister fully endorses my fourth sector initiative.

The Prime Minister fully endorses my fourth sector initiative.

Screenshot: and I believe the current prime minister is absolutely the best PERSON

and I believe the current prime minister is absolutely the best PERSON

Screenshot: I am here, Malcolm, because Nicola has been nicking my policies, through Olly.

I am here, Malcolm, because Nicola has been nicking my policies, through Olly.

Screenshot: I am here to prep Nicola here for her BBC interview.

I am here to prep Nicola here for her BBC interview.

Screenshot: Terri, I fucking e-mailed you and I told you to move it to later because

Terri, I fucking e-mailed you and I told you to move it to later because

Screenshot: fucking verbal cosh. Right?

fucking verbal cosh. Right?

Screenshot: And there it is. Didn't fuck...didn't fucking send.

And there it is. Didn't fuck...didn't fucking send.

Screenshot: Tiny fucking rodent, more like. He's part of the larger problem. Which is?

Tiny fucking rodent, more like. He's part of the larger problem. Which is?

Screenshot: Yeah. Well, so what, it's the BBC, it's not fucking Spare Rib, is it?

Yeah. Well, so what, it's the BBC, it's not fucking Spare Rib, is it?

Screenshot: "that the current prime minister is absolutely the best man for the job."

"that the current prime minister is absolutely the best man for the job."

Screenshot: Terri, get on to the BBC, fucking nuke them, nuke them and rebuke them. Yeah. Got it.

Terri, get on to the BBC, fucking nuke them, nuke them and rebuke them. Yeah. Got it.

Screenshot: The situation is fucking febrile.

The situation is fucking febrile.

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