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Policy Unit Press Office Incident Reports

Last updated: 11/10/2025 | System ID: DQARS-2024

Incident Reports

Official documentation of various crises

1,794 items

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Search ministerial quotes

Jamie McDonald

Terri Coverley

Screenshots

Screenshot: Shit!

Shit!

Screenshot: Could you keep your fucking opinions to yourself, please!

Could you keep your fucking opinions to yourself, please!

Screenshot: Sorry, Nicola, just got to take this. Ollie Reader.

Sorry, Nicola, just got to take this. Ollie Reader.

Screenshot: Nicola, just got a text from Malcolm. He says he knows Mannion was here.

Nicola, just got a text from Malcolm. He says he knows Mannion was here.

Screenshot: Text reads, "I know about your fucking meeting with that aging flamenco guitarist.

Text reads, "I know about your fucking meeting with that aging flamenco guitarist.

Screenshot: Shit. He wants you at Number 10, ASAFP. Come on, let's go!

Shit. He wants you at Number 10, ASAFP. Come on, let's go!

Screenshot: It's called politics, Peter. We're trying to do it from your office.

It's called politics, Peter. We're trying to do it from your office.

Screenshot: I've told Nicola Murray I'm not capitalising on that story.

I've told Nicola Murray I'm not capitalising on that story.

Screenshot: If you have to wade through all this shit to win the election then I'm happy to lose it, all right?

If you have to wade through all this shit to win the election then I'm happy to lose it, all right?

Screenshot: Hi Nicola, thanks very much for coming over. Can I get you something?

Hi Nicola, thanks very much for coming over. Can I get you something?

Screenshot: You should see it now! It's like a fucking butcher's slab and just as graphic!

You should see it now! It's like a fucking butcher's slab and just as graphic!

Screenshot: But? I'm sensing there is a "but", probably be the size of a fucking house.

But? I'm sensing there is a "but", probably be the size of a fucking house.

Screenshot: "head teacher bends the rules and gives preferential treatment to Cabinet minister."

"head teacher bends the rules and gives preferential treatment to Cabinet minister."

Screenshot: Yeah, I'm afraid it's "fuck off, Mr Chips!".

Yeah, I'm afraid it's "fuck off, Mr Chips!".

Screenshot: If you resign now, you'll be up there with the fucking shaggers and the expenses fiddlers

If you resign now, you'll be up there with the fucking shaggers and the expenses fiddlers

Screenshot: your Ella, she would be publicly, and very, very fucking horribly, humiliated.

your Ella, she would be publicly, and very, very fucking horribly, humiliated.

Screenshot: It's a fucking war.

It's a fucking war.

Screenshot: That's what this is all about for you, isn't it? It's just about fighting and fucking...power!

That's what this is all about for you, isn't it? It's just about fighting and fucking...power!

Screenshot: which is making people despise politics and, by the way, don't ever fucking call me Nicky!

which is making people despise politics and, by the way, don't ever fucking call me Nicky!

Screenshot: Spare me a fucking psycho-fanny, right?

Spare me a fucking psycho-fanny, right?

Screenshot: What do you think fucking Mannion is doing right now?

What do you think fucking Mannion is doing right now?

Screenshot: Michael Aspel's cooler fucking younger brother?

Michael Aspel's cooler fucking younger brother?

Screenshot: They're telling very fucking nasty jokes about your family!

They're telling very fucking nasty jokes about your family!

Screenshot: They're playing fucking pin the cock on the fucking donkey's face

They're playing fucking pin the cock on the fucking donkey's face

Screenshot: with your face there cos you're the fucking donkey, right!

with your face there cos you're the fucking donkey, right!

Screenshot: So you should just fucking count your blessings!

So you should just fucking count your blessings!

Screenshot: Yeah! Yes! I really wanted Ella to be able to stay at a shit school, the only redeeming feature of which

Yeah! Yes! I really wanted Ella to be able to stay at a shit school, the only redeeming feature of which

Screenshot: That was Nicola Murray. She says from now on,

That was Nicola Murray. She says from now on,

Screenshot: Do you remember that, Peter, when the pregnant mistress story broke?

Do you remember that, Peter, when the pregnant mistress story broke?

Screenshot: You and Mrs Mannion standing on your doorstep, her never gonna touch little Peter again?

You and Mrs Mannion standing on your doorstep, her never gonna touch little Peter again?

Screenshot: Relationship crisis. He has to go and cook Emma a meal.

Relationship crisis. He has to go and cook Emma a meal.

Screenshot: I'm in the fucking BBC, aren't I?

I'm in the fucking BBC, aren't I?

Screenshot: Right, yeah, I remember, yeah. Peter, how are you? That was great at the Oval, wasn't it?

Right, yeah, I remember, yeah. Peter, how are you? That was great at the Oval, wasn't it?

Screenshot: No swearing? Oh, we can all thank our fucky stars for that!

No swearing? Oh, we can all thank our fucky stars for that!

Screenshot: Nicola. Thank you.

Nicola. Thank you.

Screenshot: I didn't realise you had to cook lamb shanks for a fucking fortnight.

I didn't realise you had to cook lamb shanks for a fucking fortnight.

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