Incident Reports

It's the same fucking thing. That's what they say to make it sound better.

'It's the same old shit!'

Yeah, well, I made my daughter come to this fucking school,

away from all her friends, and she's turned into a total fucking droog!

Any news from Nicola? No! Nothing.

Oh, that's Terri...that will be Terri Coverley. The shit one? Yeah, she's a shit one.

government minister who bangs on about...

ha-ha-ha, she's a completely shit mum and...

Now hang on, there's a complete fucking penis in my building who I need to have a word with.

I could draw you a diagram if you like. It's like a fucking swine 'flu pandemic!

It's your fault! ..fucking use if for political... No, no!

You're like the man who fucked the monkey that gave us AIDS!

I'm like the man who did what? Who fucked the monkey that gave us AIDS?

and there's monkey shit on your balls, not mine!

The Nicola thing I think is getting a bit worse.

OK, Shitehead Revisited,

Did you know Nicola Murray's daughter is about to be expelled for fucking bullying!

that you would have to be reassembled by fucking air-crash investigators.

What... Do not fucking interrupt me son, ever.

you mincing fucking CUNT and I will tear your fucking skin off,

while whistling Bohemian fucking Rhapsody, right?

get out of my fucking sight!

Where are you going? I'm going through a thing with Malcolm about Nicola's daughter.

Oh, shit. I'm straight to DVD, I'm the night shift! Malcolm's gonna kill me!

Peter! Speaking of rabies injections, here he is!

We've met before, when you were at Defra as a junior minister.

How's Nicola coping, some trouble with her daughter, bullying or something?

Well, she may not know the story, Peter, but just about everybody else does

No way. 'Peter, listen.'

How about you getting back here so we can have a little de-brief? Fuck that, Stuart!

Peter, hello!

Can I see Nicola? Well, that's a bit of a protocol-ly thing, so...

What the fuck is he doing here? Have you locked the building so he can't get out?

come in, sit down, Peter. How do you know about that?

Sock of shit! Sorry, it's what we call DoSAC over there in the enemy camp...

sock of shit, no disrespect!