They don't like you having expenses or being paid.

They'd rather you lived in a fucking cave.

OK. Fine.

So, what should I be sitting on?

Should I just get an upturned KFC bucket?

Just a fucking normal chair. Right?

Not a fucking massive vibrating throne.

Malcolm must be hating this. All these bright fresh new ministers to blood-in and to plan a by-election.

If it's any consolation, a little bit of you

will always be in this department because she's nabbed your chair.

She's got your chair and in fact your dandruff. Ha ha ha(!)

If I go, that chair is coming with me. You know those old men you see

who go to the park to read the paper? That will be you.

You could go in your chair. They'd make you king of all the tramps.

So you've got three kids, yeah?

I've got four. Four!

Katie's 16. She's the eldest.

She's just left school.

Not going to college or university?

She's a bit of a rebel.

What sort of a rebel? What are we talking here?

Are we talking a pierced navel or holidays at Pakistani training camp?

It's chiefly heroin.

Although she has cut down since getting pregnant by that Nigerian people-smuggler

because the track-marks would have affected her porn career.

I'm sorry to disturb.

Morning, Malcolm.

Just wanted give you a few things here.

That's change from the fruit salad.

This is this morning's papers. Do excuse me.

I'm surprised that you hadn't vetted me. I thought you'd know about the kids.

It's just that because you were just a sort of late-ish kind of appointment, that didn't quite

give me the time to fuck the Is and fist the Ts, as Robert Robinson might say.

Sounds to me like she's only bringing in one other person.

So I wonder whether she might keep one of us on permanently.

Thank God, I'm safe. Jee...