and "cunt"

and apparently, I sent it. No!

Anybody could use that computer.

Hugh, Glenn says could you head over? Yes, I must go.

Ollie was using it earlier.

You were using my computer.

Did you send an e-mail this morning about me, calling me a cunt?

No, no, I never use that word. No, absolutely, I won't use it

until it's been fully normalised and has no further association with the female twat.

It was you! We'll get to the bottom of this.

I've got to go to Number 10, but I absolutely give you my word. Good.

Look.

No, I didn't get any e-mail about Roy Smedley.

Was it funny? Kind of.

It was a bit sweary.

Look, at least he served his purpose - we've now got some very useful material to trot out in case

my bloody Ballentine wants to know why you've done a big U-turn and are now in favour of inclusion.

I haven't! I'm taking a fucking stand on this one, I'm buggered if I'm gonna let you down.

I'm gonna tell the PM straight up, this bill is a load of old bollocks.

No, you're not. No, but it'd be great if I did, wouldn't it?

Another little bit of my soul chipped away. Don't worry about it.

No, no, she's very religious... I never once heard her swear.

Hugh, the Guardian website has broken the e-mail thing.

The final edition here of the Standard.

I am suddenly a major news story.

Sweary Woman Of Whitehall.

It's a pun, isn't it? It's not really punning on anything, is it?

Not funny. How do you appear out of nowhere in a building made of glass?

I'm a shape shifter. Look, get this fucking sorted out.

You're not having a nervous breakdown or something, are you?

Get on top of it, OK? You will see me again.

Hugh, I don't want to be the story.

The Sun are running a cartoon with you being arrested by a cunt-stable.

Don't be such a bastard. Whoa there, turd-tonsils, we don't want any...

Hey, that's quite enough of that, just knock it off, OK?

Terri, come here.