Dan. Yeah, Blinkey's gone.

Yeah, don't ask how I did it, but I'm on my way over.

Get some sexy underwear on. Wear a basque.

Are you backing Dan Miller for the leadership? I can't reply to those questions at the moment.

PHONE RINGS Hello.

Olly, how the shit has this happened?

Ben's gone and I'm about to.

Er, I'm sorry about that.

You're not going to try and talk me down off a ledge, are you cos I'm really tired

and the pavement looks like a nice, warm, splatty bed right now.

Nicola, if you fight this, it's just going to be one of those long slow

agonising deaths.

'I might still recover though.'

I mean, maybe you should come on board a bit more,

maybe be my number one?

Sorry, it's career cancer, I would say, terminal.

I'm sorry Nicola, this is it.

Is it?

Right.

I am sorry.

I really thought I could be Prime Minister.

Did you? Yes, didn't you?

Yes. Of course.

Against a parade of top-hatted turds, how could I not win?

I don't know.

Can you ring James actually?

Because he'll just be all smug on the phone and then

I'm gonna end up asking for a divorce and that's exactly what he fucking well wants me to do

and I just know I'm going to end up with the fucking kids.

Right, come on, folks, gather round. Grab your cheesy nachos and your fucking vuvuzelas,

this is what we've been waiting for, it's the queen's fucking speech.

Hello, everybody.

Thank you very much for coming here at such short notice,

I will be reading a short prepared statement.

Come on, this is history in the making.

This is the ending of a chapter of a very thin book that nobody enjoyed reading.