need to talk to you. One second, please.

Listen, when that... When that incident occurred I was on holiday.

Are you saying to me that my wee caravan is a complete fucking waste of time?

And my stupid fucking wing mirror extensions?

The crime stats and Andy Murray, it's a double fault.

Listen, if you're not a prostitute or a pizza guy, fuck off.

Steve, could you eat or fuck whatever is at the door on your fucking way out, please?

No, thanks. ..How can I be held responsible?

For what? I've created a what among the government?

I've created a vibe?

Listen, son, the only fucking vibe you have to worry about is the one

that your wife hides in her knicker draw. ..I'm on top of this.

Fine, fine, I'm just saying I'll gladly lend you a hand if you feel the need to keep your head down.

give blow jobs to truckers.

I said fuck off!

Oh...! It's Lord Nicholson.

What an enormous...pleasure this is.

In fact, it's the Right Honourable, the Lord Nicholson of Arnage. Kissing of feet may commence.

You've got all your stuff ready for your official lording ceremony?

Have you got your mink thong and ermine colostomy bag?

I have to hide that unfortunately, can't wear it on the tube or the bus but I would.

It would be great larks, but there we go.

How about a coffee?

Well, if there's coffee going, I never say no to a nice cup of coffee.

Do you not drink coffee any more or is it all port and swans' blood these days?

Swan's blood, that does sound nice.

up this crime stats inquiry,

which, is in effect, an investigation into the facts...

You don't have to talk to me about that, do you? I was on my holidays then.

Didn't you get my postcard?

I'll speak to whomsoever I need to speak to, holiday or no holiday.

that's just you and Brian Sewell?

I'm going to leave you to it, frankly. So soon?

I'm going to make tracks as well.

The problem is that you're shifting from the man people love to hate

to the man people just hate.