I'm your press officer at conference.

Nicola Murray. Hi. How was your holiday?

Well, you know, we wanted to go to Florida, but Malcolm suggested we went to Suffolk

so the kids were miserable, weather was miserable

and Malcolm rang and shouted at me for looking miserable.

I saw the photos in the wellies next to the horse, "why the long face?" It was funny.

Or not. Depending on your perspective. Things are looking up.

You're in Eastbourne now which is the jewel of our shit seaside resorts.

Clacton of the south west they call it.

Anyway, I'm here to meet Julie Prince.

Price. That's the fellow.

She's the, ah... Applause monkey.

That's funny, the applause monkey.

Show some respect for fuck's sake, her husband's just died.

I'm so sorry. You're quite right.

I will now observe a moment's silence.

John, do you know what the wifi password is? I don't know.

No? No. But you've been here a couple of days.

I haven't really had time.

Despite this calm exterior I am not waving but drowning.

John, are you across this thing about Peter Manyon... Yeah.

..lining up a second holiday?

Manyon, right, yeah.

Peter Manyon, my opposite number. Yes.

You're going to push that for the press for me, yeah?

I just want to remind people that while he's criticising us

he's swanning around on his friend's yacht.

Oh, OK. He's gay.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Jesus.

No, it's a hypocrisy thing.

In principal, yeah, but it is conference so my "to do" list is longer than a big willie.

Without wishing to sound blunt,

actually, you know what, fuck it, let's sound blunt, it is your job.

I'll do what I can. That is a Duggan promise.

He's not going to do it. Fucking useless. He's not going to do it.

He's got that fringe to hide the lobotomy scars. Is that right?