Why anyone would want a brand her a killjoy or sourpuss is beyond us.

That's it, "sourpuss".

They wanted to put "sour", I suggested the puss. Morning.

I'll see if I can find a hammer and some acid.

This programme contains strong language and adult humour

We persuade him with the carrot and stick approach.

Stick a carrot up his fucking arse,

followed by the stick, followed by an even bigger carrot.

Hello.

Ah, you got past mad conference security then. It's bonkers, isn't it?

saying "I heart bombing Israel".

I had to wait for an hour and they practically gave me a cavity search. Only practically?

The disappointment in your voice is palpable.

Oh, your bed's bigger than mine.

Your whole room's bigger than mine.

Well, um, do you want it.

Mr Lover Lover, full marks for foreplay there, Glen. Straight in.

vanilla and monotonous.

It's an electric thimble.

Maybe the room only looks bigger because Glen's kettle is so tiny.

Has our people's champion arrived? Have you spoken to her?

Is she all right? Oh, no, no, no. She should be over it by now.

Her husband died four months ago, so she's beyond the crying thing.

She's clearly not that over it,

she's leading a campaign to change building regulations.

Seven people died when that cafe collapsed, she's entitled to her 15 minutes.

How do you think I should, um...

mention the tragedy when I talk to her?

Just, sorry for your loss, thoughts with you at this very difficult time,

yada-yada-yada, without the yada-yada-yada bit, obviously.

I'll need some jokes for my speech.

Is that a good idea? Not collapsing cafe jokes? No.

Shame, I had a bunch of those.

Thought you could call them the Little Chef Seven, you know,

special of the day, crumble.

That's not funny. Good evening, minister.