Press Office

from the fucking press that every morning at 8.30 I'm being fisted up to the gall bladder by a bald man?

You'd be paralysed for life and you'd still be depressed

about the thing that was depressing you in the first place.

HUSHED VOICE: I thought I was a professional press officer.

Right, Terri, you're gonna give a press conference in 90 minutes.

I organise the press conferences, I don't give them, normally.

At a press conference, a bunch of press people appear,

I wasn't suggesting... it was your chief press officer.

We have got some clothes for you to look at for a press photograph later.

Your fruit salad. Oh, I've just had a couple of press calls.

Don't worry. That was just me. That's the sort of thing the press will throw at you.

So who on earth in the press is going to either know or care?

PM texted me. He was very impressed.

in case the press get to do something like this.

If the press run with both stories, you're fucking dead.

You make a big noise to impress Nicola,

I'm going to give her the pre-briefing and I'll blind her with bad press and bumf.

It's a fucking newspaper office.

This man, right, this man is the press.

I can do it in reverse order like the pop charts. How was meet the press?

No, I was ambushed by a not-off-the-record journalist.

absolutely fine to leave your minister alone with a hostile journalist

if you just can't be arsed to walk down the stairs? I'd already pressed the button.

You took the data loss media strategy and you ate it with a lump of E-coli.

But that was before, when your only problem was a shit pun in a newspaper

This is the bit that relates to media management.

I'm your press officer at conference.

You're going to push that for the press for me, yeah?

Amalfi. So could you make a few phone calls, see if you can get it some press traction?

John Duggan, press officer.

I don't want to give the press another opportunity to see me as

No... I'm gonna try and stick his balls in his fucking trouser press.

You really are. Very impressive. And I'm not the only one who's impressed but the PM,

he finds you very impressive. That's good. Great.

We need a cold press, or is there ice? Oh... What about the mini-bar?

I'm under pressure, trying to plug a lot of leaks.