Incident Reports

I FUCKING want this... Shit, people can hear me.

Well, you've got to be as hungry as a fucking Hutu

in the fucking jungle with a big machete.

You've got to go HACKING through the fucking opposition

with a big fucking belt full of hands and a necklace made of ears.

I can wear fucking fingernail bracelets, I can...

Fucking useless.

Mrs Doherty is a quiet fucking batperson, or a fucking motorway mingebag,

or whatever the fuck we're calling these fickle shits this week.

I'll have a fucking Fanta. OK.

I'll say you're not interested. I'm fucking not interested.

So we need to be rid of Nicola.

She's fucking electoral asbestos. Wow, so...you, you want to...?

I don't know whether you've noticed but we haven't got any fucking power.

We're out in the middle of nowhere. We're in the fucking...middle of the ocean,

Or at least witter on at them until they fucking lose the will to live. So, do you...?

Jiminy Fuckmas, Malcolm! I don't know about any of this.

What film? The one about the fucking hairdresser,

His father's a robot and he's fucking fucked his sister.

LEGO, they're all made of fucking Lego.

It's like that, OK? You want to fucking kill the bad guys.

I've been so fucking bored for the last two years.

I saw him and I fucking eviscerated him.

Don't humiliate him any further - that's my fucking job.

Fuck that. I don't want one of your home-made fucking feta parcels.

I'm saying that I spoke to Nicola earlier,

Oh, well, he said, er, "Fuck right off, you fucker!"

So, your loyalty to Nicola is...?

I should challenge her? What the fuck is this?

Well, she needs to fuck off in eight months,

Now let's get out of this fucking cupboard

She's a shit politician pretending to be a,

Practising for Strictly. Get off my fucking...

Give me my fucking...

Nicola is about to adopt a policy that is so toxic

that this stony-hearted government of fucking puppy killers is dropping it?