Incident Reports

Drinking on the job, Minister? It...It's a...a half bottle.

Run those fuckers over. 50 quid for every one you maim.

Thanks a fucking bunch, mate!

I'm angry too, Peter. I spent a lot of time on that policy

What are your ideas, Peter? We'd love to hear them!

Peter's palace, now!

Sorry, Peter, I take it all back. As strong a defence

before Peter took his daily gaffe dump.

You used a lot of words. It was like a fucking Will Self lecture.

with Peter who will make an abject grovelling apology

So first you take the policy away from me for Peter to screw up,

then you take salvaging the policy away from me for Peter to screw up.

Is Peter sharing a car with Fergus?

Peter says he's sorry but he doesn't have any child seats fitted.

Oh, fucking hell. Brilliant(!)

Does he have any references based in reality? Listen, don't fuck about.

Just make sure Fergus gets Peter to the church on time, OK?

She's not on the fucking list!

Sorry Peter, she's too expensive to get rid of.

Fuck you! You're not getting in my car tonight!

Minister, ministers is it true that you hate each other?

Good to see you, Peter Pete.

No, Phil, don't just say what you fucking see.

No. Shit.

and poured a bucket of shit after it.

Finally got rid of Captain fucking Scarlet.

We haven't got any fucking power.

I am...a minister.

I used to have missed calls piling up like fucking pizza leaflets.

I'd rather fucking not. OK, Nicola...

Olly, shit! I had it then.

er, but we do have Prime Minister's Questions in one hour.

and I've got the withering put down, so I'm prepped, I'm fucking prepped.

A pony isn't a baby horse, it's a foal, a fucking foal is a baby horse.

Right, our guest tonight on I Don't Give A Fuck About Baby Horses is me.

We need to do something about Nicola.