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Policy Unit Press Office Incident Reports

Last updated: 11/10/2025 | System ID: DQARS-2024

Incident Reports

Official documentation of various crises

1,794 items

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Search ministerial quotes

Jamie McDonald

Terri Coverley

Screenshots

Screenshot: Elderly aide. It makes me sound like a fucking stair lift.

Elderly aide. It makes me sound like a fucking stair lift.

Screenshot: It'll be like the fucking War Of The Roses or Aids, remember Aids?

It'll be like the fucking War Of The Roses or Aids, remember Aids?

Screenshot: Listen, Nicola, did Julius mention to you about his inquiry?

Listen, Nicola, did Julius mention to you about his inquiry?

Screenshot: Yeah. The inquiry into the whole fucking crime stats cock-up? Yeah.

Yeah. The inquiry into the whole fucking crime stats cock-up? Yeah.

Screenshot: good press attention for your fucking healthy choices nonsense.

good press attention for your fucking healthy choices nonsense.

Screenshot: How about that? I'll get you some big fucking healthy headlines.

How about that? I'll get you some big fucking healthy headlines.

Screenshot: You can't even get a fucking bagel cleaned up off your door. Do you mind?

You can't even get a fucking bagel cleaned up off your door. Do you mind?

Screenshot: You're looking at fucking Lazarus, sweetheart,

You're looking at fucking Lazarus, sweetheart,

Screenshot: and not just plain Lazarus, I'm fucking self-raising Lazarus, right?

and not just plain Lazarus, I'm fucking self-raising Lazarus, right?

Screenshot: Yes, I'll tell Nicola to expect your call healthy choices sometime this afternoon. ..Well done, Malcolm.

Yes, I'll tell Nicola to expect your call healthy choices sometime this afternoon. ..Well done, Malcolm.

Screenshot: not fucking Rangers' supporters.

not fucking Rangers' supporters.

Screenshot: audience with Peter fucking Bowles.

audience with Peter fucking Bowles.

Screenshot: That's really fucking scary. I'm walking on, we're moving on.

That's really fucking scary. I'm walking on, we're moving on.

Screenshot: I saw... I thought Nicola was choking. She wasn't, she was laughing

I saw... I thought Nicola was choking. She wasn't, she was laughing

Screenshot: What is it? What's your problem? Have you fucking coughed up your own twin?

What is it? What's your problem? Have you fucking coughed up your own twin?

Screenshot: No, Tom isn't immediately available to you. Fuck off.

No, Tom isn't immediately available to you. Fuck off.

Screenshot: Malcolm, the Prime Minister respects you enormously.

Malcolm, the Prime Minister respects you enormously.

Screenshot: Fuck off!

Fuck off!

Screenshot: Your five minutes starts now. Fuck off.

Your five minutes starts now. Fuck off.

Screenshot: Would it seem terribly rude if I asked you to shit off for five minutes? Yes, it would it.

Would it seem terribly rude if I asked you to shit off for five minutes? Yes, it would it.

Screenshot: Julius... Can you fuck off as well! Excuse me. Julius, what's the deal?

Julius... Can you fuck off as well! Excuse me. Julius, what's the deal?

Screenshot: Shit.

Shit.

Screenshot: Minister has to say about that?

Minister has to say about that?

Screenshot: Listen to me a minute, the Prime Minister...

Listen to me a minute, the Prime Minister...

Screenshot: You, fucking Nicola, tell them, fucking tell them there was no fucking phone call.

You, fucking Nicola, tell them, fucking tell them there was no fucking phone call.

Screenshot: Speak, I fucking ask you, speak!

Speak, I fucking ask you, speak!

Screenshot: I'm not here, Malcolm. You are fucking here.

I'm not here, Malcolm. You are fucking here.

Screenshot: Open your fucking mouth for once and say something. I'm not getting involved.

Open your fucking mouth for once and say something. I'm not getting involved.

Screenshot: You fucking speak, you've always something to say.

You fucking speak, you've always something to say.

Screenshot: I'm only a Cabinet Minister. Fuck off then! Don't fucking touch me.

I'm only a Cabinet Minister. Fuck off then! Don't fucking touch me.

Screenshot: Come on, Malcolm. You cannot fuck me, I am unfuckable.

Come on, Malcolm. You cannot fuck me, I am unfuckable.

Screenshot: I have never been fucked. And if you fucking try and fuck me,

I have never been fucked. And if you fucking try and fuck me,

Screenshot: you'll find my fucking arse will grow fucking fangs.

you'll find my fucking arse will grow fucking fangs.

Screenshot: And fucking snap your cock off. Will you listen to me?

And fucking snap your cock off. Will you listen to me?

Screenshot: You don't have the fucking balls apart from that fucking inflated

You don't have the fucking balls apart from that fucking inflated

Screenshot: fucking boil on the fucking end of your fucking neck...

fucking boil on the fucking end of your fucking neck...

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