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Policy Unit Press Office Incident Reports

Last updated: 11/10/2025 | System ID: DQARS-2024

Incident Reports

Official documentation of various crises

1,794 items

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Search ministerial quotes

Jamie McDonald

Terri Coverley

Screenshots

Screenshot: Everybody loved him.
Fuck knows why, but they did.

Everybody loved him. Fuck knows why, but they did.

Screenshot: This here is fucking series 10
of The Big Breakfast.
And do you know what you are?

This here is fucking series 10 of The Big Breakfast. And do you know what you are?

Screenshot: You're the fucking dinnerlady
that they have asked to
come and present the show.

You're the fucking dinnerlady that they have asked to come and present the show.

Screenshot: your fucking earrings, your fucking
cleavage and your dress - which,
by the way, is WAY too loud.

your fucking earrings, your fucking cleavage and your dress - which, by the way, is WAY too loud.

Screenshot: Oh, for fuck's sake.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Screenshot: I don't want
to go to fucking Dover or France.

I don't want to go to fucking Dover or France.

Screenshot: That's a super message to send out.
It shows you've got principles...
For fuck's sake, Ollie.

That's a super message to send out. It shows you've got principles... For fuck's sake, Ollie.

Screenshot: Fuck.
This is going to split our vote.

Fuck. This is going to split our vote.

Screenshot: This isn't Tsarist Russia
or the fucking Dimblebys!

This isn't Tsarist Russia or the fucking Dimblebys!

Screenshot: What do we do? Send everyone
to support Liam Bentley,
including the Prime Minister.

What do we do? Send everyone to support Liam Bentley, including the Prime Minister.

Screenshot: The dead fucker. God rest him.
Yeah, I did a bit, back home.

The dead fucker. God rest him. Yeah, I did a bit, back home.

Screenshot: Sad? Lying on your back getting
fed nutrients through a tube?
It's my idea of a fucking holiday.

Sad? Lying on your back getting fed nutrients through a tube? It's my idea of a fucking holiday.

Screenshot: Can I go?
Of course, you can fucking go.

Can I go? Of course, you can fucking go.

Screenshot: Never fucking easy.

Never fucking easy.

Screenshot: Have you been asleep in a box full
of straw like a Blue Peter tortoise?

Have you been asleep in a box full of straw like a Blue Peter tortoise?

Screenshot: Nicola would like to see you.

Nicola would like to see you.

Screenshot: Malcolm, Nicola will
be there in a minute.

Malcolm, Nicola will be there in a minute.

Screenshot: ..Nicola Murray.

..Nicola Murray.

Screenshot: Don't you think?
Are you going to resign, Minister?

Don't you think? Are you going to resign, Minister?

Screenshot: Little bit edgy. Can you please make
sure Nicola's right in the middle?

Little bit edgy. Can you please make sure Nicola's right in the middle?

Screenshot: Not there, it fucking doesn't.

Not there, it fucking doesn't.

Screenshot: It's not even funny. Why do
people fucking do that on YouTube?

It's not even funny. Why do people fucking do that on YouTube?

Screenshot: You're expecting me to choose between
fucking up my daughter's life
or my husband's life?

You're expecting me to choose between fucking up my daughter's life or my husband's life?

Screenshot: Yeah. So I just have to choose
between them like they're on some
fucking cosmic dessert trolley?

Yeah. So I just have to choose between them like they're on some fucking cosmic dessert trolley?

Screenshot: If the press run with both
stories, you're fucking dead.

If the press run with both stories, you're fucking dead.

Screenshot: this massive fucking out of
proportion Israeli-style response.

this massive fucking out of proportion Israeli-style response.

Screenshot: You don't realise, I'm your fucking
fairy godfather, right? God help me.

You don't realise, I'm your fucking fairy godfather, right? God help me.

Screenshot: I'm your fairy fucking godfather,
but I haven't got a magic wand
that I can wave about.

I'm your fairy fucking godfather, but I haven't got a magic wand that I can wave about.

Screenshot: I've got a fucking Blackberry
and a chiff. You've got a decision
to make. Talk to you later.

I've got a fucking Blackberry and a chiff. You've got a decision to make. Talk to you later.

Screenshot: And you need to fucking listen to
me, Russell, you fucking Antipodean
fucking kangaroo-loving fruitcake.

And you need to fucking listen to me, Russell, you fucking Antipodean fucking kangaroo-loving fruitcake.

Screenshot: That's fucking small fry.

That's fucking small fry.

Screenshot: But this lift,
I mean, it's fuckng huge.

But this lift, I mean, it's fuckng huge.

Screenshot: That's fucking great.

That's fucking great.

Screenshot: That's another fucking
thing right there.

That's another fucking thing right there.

Screenshot: Not only have you got a fucking
bent husband and a fucking
daughter that gets taken to school

Not only have you got a fucking bent husband and a fucking daughter that gets taken to school

Screenshot: in a fuckng sedan chair,
you're also fucking mental.
Jesus Christ, see you,

in a fuckng sedan chair, you're also fucking mental. Jesus Christ, see you,

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Incident Reports - Page 14 | DOSAC.UK