Caption: I told you about Waitrose, when I was head of press,

talking about benefit fraud in King's Lynn,

you are gonna look a bit of a dick.

Could you get me a cup of coffee?

do you remember that? I know.

It was a two minute silence - an ordinary Sunday -

and somebody said something on the Tannoy about a spillage,

the tabloids were like rats up a drainpipe on Monday morning.

Were they? Can you just... It's The Times,

could you just have a quick look at that...? Is it about me?

Why don't you have a read of it first?

This job is exciting enough

without having to inject artificial elements of suspense.