Stuffing a cat up my arse and having a wank? What do you mean? You know, this could be a great deal worse.

You have had a good innings. You have been here for 18 months

and, you know, I have written some very nice things about you in the PM's reply to your resignation.

Because no-one who matters thinks any the less of you over this... SO FAR, OK?

Right, one more thing. The Daily Mail.

David Topham has got it into his head that we are going to sack you because of Press pressure.

I wonder why(!) Look, you're in no position to dish out fucking sarcasm, that's over.

You no longer have purchase in the sarcasm world! Get on the phone, tell them that you're jumping

before you are pushed. We were going to push you because of your deeply-held fucking personal issues!

You want me to write my own obituary?

Get on the fucking phone!

Do it now!