Yes, I do, absolutely, it's just that my committee thing is actually

a bigger deal than your sweary thing. It just is.

Malcolm, good to see you.

Were you hiding just now, Hugh? No.

Right, Terri, you're gonna give a press conference in 90 minutes.

You're gonna apologise, there's your statement, learn it.

I organise the press conferences, I don't give them, normally.

OK, seeing as you're not used to this, I'll go through it for you.

At a press conference, a bunch of press people appear,

they're gonna have things called cameras and microphones and mobile phones and hangovers

then you will walk out and you're going to read from what we call a prepared statement.

You will say, "I'm really fucking sorry for sounding like a hairy-arsed docker after 12 pints,

"I promise that I will never call an eight-year-old girl a cunt again.

"Can we just draw a line under this and fucking move on? Thank you."

Everybody goes home and then we wait and see.

You get to keep your job, although you will forever be known as The Sweary Woman Of Whitehall.

OLLIE: This first Mark Ryan meeting would be in the diary.

Do you want to see if we could post that down the memory hole? Diaries do get lost, don't they?

We've lost a few diaries in our time, haven't we?

Listen, do it subtly, I don't wanna know about it.

I mean, do it, but don't tell me.

Do I know? Yeah. No. I don't know.

Do I know? Don't... You sort it out.

Do I know? Sort it out but don't tell me you're sorting it out. There isn't a chain.

I don't think you quite get it, Malcolm. My life is in tatters,

nobody will speak to me at my daughter's school. Why should I lie for you?

Because it's your job to make him look good!

What kind of a PR person are you?

Look, are you...? Hey, hey, hey.

Are you going to take a bad story and make it worse?

Say, "Hi, everyone, I know this looks bad but wait till you hear this!

"It was actually the Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship who called a small child a cunt.

"So it really is very much worse than we thought."

IF you were to go out there and tell the truth,

it would be morally repugnant

because what you'd be doing is condemning a guy who's doing his fucking best to make things better,