"Singin' in The Rain"

PHONE RINGS

Oh, Christ. Hello, Malcolm!

Right, was this your idea?

Because I don't remember signing any suicide pact.

Malcolm, look. I'm as shocked about this as you are.

Yes, you sound really shocked, you big fucking spunk lolly.

I don't even know what that is.

But I, you know, I think we all need time to, to process this data, yep?

What the fuck is going on?!

All right, Fergus. What the fuck is going on?

The Ark has been opened. And your face is going to melt.

There's going to be an inquiry.

Have I just stepped through a portal into a sausage machine,

because this is making mince meat of my head.

It's the end of the world as we know it.

To paraphrase a popular fucking Bangles song.

It's... it's REM.

Don't start contradicting me on that kind of shit.

OK, Robyn, it's over to you. It's show time.

Let's just give it another five minutes.

There's still a blogger from the Huffington Post to come.

Is that it?

It looks like a paedophile's funeral.

It doesn't matter. We've got to get out of here ASAP.

Leaking is a fundamental component of our governmental system.

If a government can't leak, do you know what happens?

Dark shit builds up and then it bursts.

And that's something you don't want to see. You think your appendix was bad.

Hi, and welcome to the launch of Carer's Pass.

You know, we thought long and hard about how,

in these straitened times, we could help those

who don't help themselves, but rather help others.

Please give it up for The Carers.

This is the gift that's going to go on giving, believe you me. So you better keep your head down.

I don't mean just when you're frequenting your favourite glory holes.