Easy come, easy go.

Is everything OK?

I've had a stroke. Oh, no, no such luck.

Is that why you're not answering your phone? I'm finding it quite comforting.

Maybe I'll bring you a shot glass and some bleach.

Hey, only my kids are allowed

to talk to me like that, and my husband.

Don't forget you're on a train to Bradford soon,

Can you try to arrange for me to be underneath it? I look forward to our lovely train journey together.

I look forward to you fucking off actually. Thanks very much.

Is the Dowager Countess receiving? Can you give her a minute?

She's meditating. Step aside, she's asked to see me.

Morning, oh, God, oh, dear.

You can get that in large print you know.

Still not knocking, I see, Malcolm.

It's an old habit from my time in the Haitian death squads,

so how you doing? The Guardian seem to hate me

more than the Prime Minister, I mean, what do I expect next,

am I gonna get spat at in the street by Michael Palin?

That's highly unlikely, he's really a very, very nice man.

But on to more serious matters, Mr Tickle is dead.

What are you gonna do about it? I'm not going to exploit a suicide.

You can't look a gift corpse in the mouth,

you should be taking it and slapping the government

about the face with it, bit of slap with tickle.

No, I'm not doing it, it's insensitive, as was that.

Sorry, I just think this is what we should be doing.

Look, fine, it's there as a policy we can use in the extreme,

but I just, I just want us to try

and build some momentum through positivity.

OK, yeah, good luck with that.

That's me being positive, by the way.

So, it's just a quick chat with Sky, yeah?

Yeah, just give them ten minutes' bullshit

about how you much prefer them to the BBC,

and then get straight onto the "here to hear" stuff.