Let's show a little more decorum.

A man has died in tragic and complicated circumstances.

This is not the time for barked questions or hurried judgement.

There will be a statement presently.

Was Mr Tickel killed by politics, Mr Mannion?

Do relax... Heads up now, yeah?

Terri, poppet, can you send me out a cry mail?

"We give a toss, we're sorry for your loss, yeah?"

Peter, we might need to relaunch the trousers.

Get him a tie, a bland one. Glenn, one of yours, yeah?

Peter, I have a bit of news that I should probably make you aware of.

Yes, I do know, Fergus. A man with an amusing name has died.

Er, no, actually. It's that this morning I... Well, I set up a community bank.

What? You did what? You... You... You set up a bank?

I had a moment of weakness and they exploited it, like Hugh Grant.

Yeah, well, we didn't really have much choice

because it was all going to piss in a kettle here,

so we had to get the economist out of the way. What economist?

Well, we were having a preliminary meeting when Phil started to crow,

Glenn was having a meltdown - it was embarrassing.

You bought a bank out of social embarrassment?

I sometimes buy the Big Issue out of social embarrassment, I don't buy a fucking bank.

Oh... Peter, this is so fucking us.

Just wind back, right. Let's get this straight, so I can deal with you two properly.

How much is this bank?

Well, 2 billion. 2 billion.

2 billion! Sweet Tracy Emin!

All right, don't need to shit yourself about it because we're not buying it, OK?

It's funded by taxes. That's all right then.

Oh, great, the triple! I'm a nurse killer, a banker and now I'm raising fucking taxes!

Well, you are meant to be the bad cop, so what's our out?

You're giving me an actual noose along with the metaphorical one.

Trousers! Sorry, I'm getting your trousers. TEXT ALERT

Jesus, what were you guys doing at the hotel? There's a picture of you on a slide.

It's been tweeted by a golfer. Oh, for...

No, no, no, no, no, no.