Dan's crushed! He's just in the shower crying, with his clothes on!

Dan? Dan Miller? Yeah, Malcolm gave him a right old... K'cher!

He gave him a cash register?

No, that was me cracking a whip, plainly!

Well, shame I missed that, where was, er, where was this?

It was in the back stairwell.

That's right by my office. I'm surprised I didn't hear that.

I mean, I can hear fat Pat's farts bouncing off the walls

when she has to take the stairs if the lift's bust.

Well, it was, sort of, you know, he did it in a lower tone.

Special, kind of, terrifying... He calls it, erm, whisper boarding.

It's not a healthy sign when the deputy attacks the leader

but maybe we should embrace this point of no return.

Are you saying you agree with what I wrote?

I'm saying that I spoke to Nicola earlier,

to gauge the fire in her belly,

and now I'm standing in a cupboard with you.

What's the worst thing that he said?

Oh, well, he said, er, "Fuck right off, you fucker!"

Really? Well, I once used the last tea bag

and Malcolm pushed me up against a wall any called me Noncey Sinatra - that seems tame.

Well, like I say, it was, it was, it was mainly in the tone, Ben.

I didn't hold the door open for him and he called me a minge mop.

Yeah, but he likes Dan.

Ooh!

Did you need me?

Nope, nope.

So, your loyalty to Nicola is...?

Unwavering.

Right up to the point that...

Someone challenges her?

Not necessary, she's going to kick her own head in,

which will be easy for her because she does yoga.

We just need someone to hold her jacket

while she commits political hara-kiri

and sweep in unopposed...