on the planet of the teddy bears. They're Ewoks, Ewoks.

It's a fantastic analogy, well done.

Are you, are you ABSOLUTELY sure about this, Malcolm?

Well, not really, no...

but it's worth a punt, isn't it?

Good. Life is interesting at last -

I've been so fucking bored for the last two years.

Bonnie Langford's paying.

It's a good speech, I think. Does it need a bit of a...? Rethink.

I was going to say trim.

Are you going to address the batpeople thing in the speech?

No, I might walk on stage to the theme tune!

Just make sure you're not wearing anything

that can be photographed like a cape.

Oh, Malcolm, did you see Dan?

I saw him and I fucking eviscerated him.

What did you say?

He crumpled like a crisp packet on a cooker.

He's now just a small pool of grease and regret, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah, you can only see him under UV lights now.

How do you know? Were you there?

Yeah, yeah. Malcolm flayed his skin off,

he's going to use it as his onesie. That's him just coming in.

Don't say anything.

Don't humiliate him any further - that's my fucking job.

Give us your dinner money! I haven't got dinner money, I bring a packed lunch.

Fuck that. I don't want one of your home-made fucking feta parcels.

I presume you need to bollock me for my disloyalty

in doing that New Statesman thing, so why don't we... I already have.

This morning - were you not there? Can't say I recall it.

Would it be cheeky if I invited you onto the veranda?

I've got a little matter I'd like to discuss with you.

We're lovers, deal with it.

I suppose the key question is,

is Dan Miller going to pull the same stunt again?

Well, I mean, I think, after what he's just been through with Malcolm,