You don't have to. I can make the tea. Hey, Nicola!

Do you want a... cup of tea?

OK... Well, what do you want?

Um, lemon zinger, please.

A what? Lemon zinger.

Whatever the lady wants. Is there a kitty for this? Honestly, Malcolm... Tenner enough?

Take the money, woman, come on!

Thank you very much. Hey, Malcolm?

Yes? Bad luck on Steve, eh?

Being long-lensed in the park like that with Nicholson, hey, Malc?

Nice double whammy, isn't it? Fleming looks like he's trying to influence the report

AND do some bald-on-bald cottaging at the same time.

All that dark arts and spinning, That's yester-Malcolm.

That's not, you know, that's not me any more. I like the new me.

I feel 20 years younger.

You look it. You look 20 years younger. Do I? Mm.

You're looking great yourself, you know, at the moment.

That colour really, really suits you. It's very, very attractive.

Christ, is he dying or something?

I don't know. (Is he flirting?)

You... Julius.

..are a naughty bastard. Best thing I've read all year. It's the only thing, mind you.

You've done some awful things to me, but this takes the bloody biscuit.

And you've pissed on that biscuit and I've got to eat it. Well, I will not eat the pissy biscuit!

Sam, no pissy biscuits!

What are you going on about, Julius?

You made it look as if Steve leant on me so I'd wrongly exonerate him.

As a result, I had to come down upon him like a ton of bricks,

totally unfairly, just to protect my unimpeachable reputation for fairness.

Yeah, well, it's a great report.

What I really like about it is it's fucking short.

How long did it take you to rewrite the Steve Fleming stuff?

I pulled an all-nighter. Black coffee. Vivaldi on the iPod Touch.

Certainly worth it. I mean, he comes over as a 28-carat shite.

Oh, Steve, mate. Have you seen the papers?

Looks like you're becoming the story.