Because I'm bored, it's funny and I hate you. The holy trinity of why.

cushion.

Right. Bit of good news.

What? Two bits, actually.

Enough. Can we all just shut the fuck up, OK, so we can gather our thoughts.

get to your station.

I want to hear the word on the street.

All right. Ben has been seen coming into DoSAC but not going out.

Possibly Ben is her running mate as number two in a leadership bid.

I don't mind going out there now and telling them all

just how much I hate Nicola and how unlikely that is to happen.

And get myself a sandwich. I'm fucking starving.

What did I just fucking say? I said one at a fucking time, stand up.

I'm telling you to stand up, you sack of fucking cum.

Stand the fuck up.

Fucking move. Right.

See that. Fucking play with that. Right?

Never mind your fucking toys. Play with that.

Go and stand in that fucking corner.

Stand over there. Right?

you...

with a fucking rusty spade, I'll have your kidneys for fucking cufflinks.

Terri, good news, I believe.

You are about to tell us some good fucking news. What the fuck is it?

Right. Yeah. OK. Well, according to my online tracker, the pizza is here.

And the second bit is that the Mail is backing Nicola's leadership bid

because of the stand she's taken against shoddy journalism at the BBC.

What? No wonder George Alagiah's here.

He'll probably come at me with a fucking Stanley knife.

Malcolm.

What do we do now?

Hello. Say something.

MOBILE RINGS

Oh, Steve. Hi, there.

I'm going to slip into a diabetic coma at this rate.

MOBILE RINGS