Oh, God! Jesus!

She's just been doing an interview.

An interview for what? FHM? What's she done to her face?

She looks like a pissed Aunt Sally. I'm really sorry...

Let's not talk about it ever again.

I will forget...

What do you want? ..everything I've seen.

Back On Track, it is exactly the same as my Unify Initiative.

You don't like me, that's as clear as fish piss by kicking me out after you arrive.

Malcolm's calling. I thought he was

sluicing sand out of Tom's thong in Ibiza or wherever they've got to.

He is. He's away in Spain. Just ignore Malcolm.

Ignore Malcolm?

What can he do? Olly, you're not answering your and I'm getting worried that you've hurt yourself.

I just keep getting these terrible images flashing in my head.

Of you being stabbed repeatedly in the face.

Or you in a coma on a life-support machine

dreaming about being a gay policeman in the 1970s.

Malcolm, I can explain.

Olly, thank God that you're safe.

Sorry.

That's from me.

What's Giant Haystacks doing here?

I am here, Malcolm, because Nicola has been nicking my policies, through Olly.

Is this true, the little man in the red and yellow car? No.

I've been told by Steve Fleming to think the unthinkable.

Well, listen, I am telling you to unthink the unthinkable.

You can't even cope with thinking the thinkable. Why are you here?

Hello, Malcolm. You look a bit tired. You look incompetent.

Tired and a wee bit grumpy.

Well, actually, Lucille Ballbag,

I am here to prep Nicola here for her BBC interview.

A bit late for that.

Terri, I fucking e-mailed you and I told you to move it to later because

fucking verbal cosh. Right?

Well...