Headphones on ears, arses on chairs.

Ollie, we don't make any time for each other any more.

We're busy people, we work really hard. We work harder than Fat Pat's arteries...

Did you used to make time for each other?

I mean, I think that's the crucial question. Sorry...

OK, just for a second, Aunt Terri, fuck off. Where am I meant to go?

Pretend you've got to go and have a shit. Or something. You're going to be a lot better off without him.

What do you mean, I'm going be... Sorry, do you talk about me at work?

Fuck this. This is like that nightmare I had about being on Loose Women.

- Everyone knows that Schumacher is the Stig. - I think that was just publicity...

Right, back to Loose Women.

Friend of mine thinks it's actually May, Hammond and Clarkson, purely cos Stig is an anagram of gits.

He should not be talking about me at all, let alone about things that are totally private.

Then the bank bonuses are very high, aren't they?

Derren Brown thing going on

where I can see and hear things.

So, Ollie, what exactly have you been saying to them in the office about me?

I've been saying you smell of fennel, you're racist, you torture horses and you're in the Bangles.

That's what I've been saying about you at work. I think you've been sexually bragging.

Don't flatter yourself.

Emma, I didn't send you here to chat about your sex life. You're here to back-block Peter's narrative.

And what's happened to Phil? Don't get me wrong, I like it, but I'm not seeing him in man-made fibres.

He's just drying his... He's drying his trousers.

I don't want to know.

Your party created spin and we had to respond... No, no, no...

How perfect. Who should walk in...?

I'm Stewart Pearson.

You see the fat man that you're berating like a pinata?

Well, I own him. Peter Mannion, that's a fascinating...

And, as we speak, who should come rolling along the corridor

the man who was once referred to as the Gorbals Gerbil...

Don't do a joke. Peter, don't do a joke.

Peter Mannion, can you explain, please, why your party spin doctor has arrived entirely unannounced?

I would say it was an indication of how seriously our party is taking

the allegations that we were receiving...

Don't say it again! ..donations...