By the way, you'll be getting a bill.

That's OK. I presume you're expecting that.

OK, I'll bite.

Why will I be getting a bill, Phil?

Well, let me see - partial rent, electricity, gas, internet use, toilet paper.

Kept a note every time you were round at the flat. You're moving out?

Oh, that's a shame. I'll miss doing that secret and bad thing I did with your roll-on deodorant.

I'm not moving out.

I'm just guessing that, seeing as Emma's dumped you, you won't be coming round much any more.

What? Oh, let me just savour this moment.

Oh, thank you, God. She hasn't told you, has she?

What? She's dumped you. She did it tonight.

No, bullshit. She didn't do it tonight.

Let me get a little photo of this moment. No, please...

A new desktop picture here. Put the fucking phone down.

She told me! Why would she tell you first, dickwad? I've no idea.

She told me to get out the flat tonight so she could dump you.

In the words of Shakespears Sister, you're history!

Oh, fuck!

It's a dark suit and it's only lukewarm. I still win!

Jim Henderson, what's your point? Is that Jim Henderson from Clifton?

You two know each other? We've met, we know each other. We've met. Yes, we have met.

Surprised to hear you turning on the City boys.

huge wodges of cash to your party disgusting.

got links with sweat shops.

Wow. What? Well, this is quite an extraordinary allegation. A very serious...

Yes! Linked to sweat shops?

That should be looked into...

Oh, it's my birthday!

..know the facts.

I've just told you the facts. Are you calling me a liar?

I can't believe my ears.

Did we just break a story that wasn't "The Ipswich manager's got sacked"?

It's my birthday!

Cunt cake? Go ahead.

Right, Emma, look, look, look, I'm just coming in, OK?