and somebody said something on the Tannoy about a spillage,

the tabloids were like rats up a drainpipe on Monday morning.

Were they? Can you just... It's The Times,

could you just have a quick look at that...? Is it about me?

Why don't you have a read of it first?

This job is exciting enough

without having to inject artificial elements of suspense.

You're cock teasing, just tell me.

Hello, Malcolm...

he hasn't yet, no. He is, isn't he?

He is a prick. He is a prick.

Who's a prick? Am I a prick?

Yeah, rip the ball sack off...

Whose ball sack? Whose ball sack?

Whose balls, whose... Hello, Malcolm.

Have you got Simon Hewitt's piece in front of you?

I haven't quite been through it yet.

Have you got to the bit where he calls you out of your depth?

No, at the moment he's calling me...

"The political equivalent

"of the house wine at a suburban Indian restaurant."

That's not very good, is it?

Hang on a second, "insipid," yeah...

HE MUMBLES

"Uninspiring." Christ, that's bad. Look at that.

Ooh, "Disconnected to the point of autism."

We're going to get this tosser, Hugh, don't you worry.

He'll be at The Sport, photoshopping the tits of Hollyoaks extras

by the end of the month.

Can I just say...? Hello? No, he's gone.

That's great, Malcolm's backing me.

Yeah? So, how do we respond to this?

Right, we don't... we don't exchange insults

with bloody Simon-arsepipes-titty-twat.

Is that the best swearing you can come up with?

This is a bucket of shit, if someone throws shit at us we throw shit back at them.