They grow up so fast, eh?

Right go, go, go, go. Go.

How did the vodcast with Helen Mirren go?

Yo, twat features. Hang on. Hang on. I mean that literally.

There's this Julie Price woman, turns out she's a little bit fucking unstable, you know,

extremist views. We'll have to let her go.

Of course. It's just that, er...

Andrew Dover, the blogger...

Well, probably.

Job done.

I'm away for a game of crazy golf.

Love those fucking windmills.

Hit the full stops. Don't run through anything. I don't know what that means. Stop.

Stop at the full stops, it will sound good in the hall.

I won't gabble. What if they boo me?

'But local people finding their own solutions...'

She looks lovely. 'Having a real say over the future of the places where they live.'

Well done. Well done, indeed.

Some lovely stuff in there, I thought. Yeah.

I thought it was pretty good, actually, yeah.

Praise indeed from the Scottish Simon Cowell. Ha ha. Ah, thank you.

What happened to the jokes? I didn't say the jokes.

Glen may have given me the wrong number.

We missed a whole page of Manyon jokes.

Not my fault.

where are we up to, I said eight.

But we were up to seven. You should have gone from eight.

You went from nine?

to all the doom and the gloom.

Well, you said we were up to page eight but we were in fact up to...

No I didn't. I said FROM eight.

This programme contains very strong language and adult humour

Nowadays, I think twat and prat are pretty interchangeable.

Anyway, semantic society shouldn't be saying anything like that to you

and I take your point, Mum. I will have a word.

The opposition have to let senior civil servants