Can't even get out of the fucking room!

You've made quite a U-turn on SEN schools, haven't you, Minister?

"Not two experts? Less than three but not two?" Fucking bitch.

It worked. I was on the floor in a big fucking nappy.

Oh, shit, that's Malcolm.

He's gone. Look, Hugh, come out.

Were you hiding just now, Hugh? No.

You will say, "I'm really fucking sorry for sounding like a hairy-arsed docker after 12 pints,

"Can we just draw a line under this and fucking move on? Thank you."

"It was actually the Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship who called a small child a cunt.

because what you'd be doing is condemning a guy who's doing his fucking best to make things better,

Yeah, but if she doesn't know, then it doesn't matter, Hugh.

Shit! She's on to us, why else would she...? Have you got the diaries?

Hugh, go and get Ollie and Glenn in here.

Hugh, take your fingers out your fucking ears.

YOU grow up. I am a fucking grown up, thank you.

you massive, gay SHITE!

Fuck off!

Yeah. That is not fucking funny, you retard.

'Good afternoon.' Christ, there's that fucking sofa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa - she's gone off script here. Fucking hell, Terri...

the Minister, my colleagues,

Yeah, brilliant, Malcolm, well done. Fucking stunning.

Absolutely. I'm never going to get out of this fucking building, am I?

D'you remember when I came down to see Peter's concert at his school?

Yeah? Yeah. Fucking unbearable, that's why I needed Malcolm's expert to try and wipe it from my mind.

Hasn't really worked though. Oh, Hugh, mate, don't panic, you'll manage,

his name is Peter and he has special educational needs.

But I had the privilege of going down with Glenn to Peter's SEN school

and watched Peter playing the trombone in the school orchestra.

D'you know, I wish I'd kept Peter's trombone because if I had,

I didn't do it Hugh, d'you remember? You sent the e-mail.

Hugh, go to the gents, please,

by squirting human shit through the sprinklers.

Hugh, check it out - Malcolm Tucker is leaving the building.