THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER

Quiet! Quiet! Quieten down!

Quieten down! Give us something.

I have a brief statement I will read on behalf of my client.

"I am innocent of all charges and vow to do everything in my power to clear my name.

"I will fight this all the way, and I am confident no jury will be able

"to look me in the eye and say anything other than I am an innocent man.

"But to avoid any distraction to my official duties,

"and to begin preparations for my acquittal,

"I am standing down as senior communications officer to my party,

"and, with heavy heart, I am leaving top-tier politics for good."

That is all we have to say at this time. Thank you.

Have you anything further to add?

No, I want to say something, I want to say something.

Doesn't matter.

THEY SHOUT OVER EACH OTHER

Have you been sacked, Mr Tucker?

'..standing down as senior communications officer to my party...'

Oh, I do feel grubby. I feel fucking great! It's a huge scalp.

Size of a pizza!

How about a toast to the old bastard's hopeful incarceration

with a fine 12-year-old Glen-fuck it?!

WOMAN LAUGHS

I haven't worked all that long,

or all that closely with Malcolm Tucker,

but I wish him luck in clearing his name,

although, obviously, if he is found guilty,

then the full weight of the law should be...

Oh, sorry. Full force of the law should be...

I haven't worked all that long...

With him gone, um, I feel fresh hope we can mend

and rebuild a credible politics of integrity and honour.

So, er, thank you very much for coming,

I look forward to seeing much more of you in the coming weeks and months.

Not you, Rod, obviously. You're a twat.

But... In spite of the awards, er, er, for being a twat, I believe.