Well, you've got to be as hungry as a fucking Hutu

in the fucking jungle with a big machete.

You've got to go HACKING through the fucking opposition

with a big fucking belt full of hands and a necklace made of ears.

Can you do that?

Yes. Can you wear a necklace made of ears?

I can be a Hutu -

I can wear fucking fingernail bracelets, I can...

do this, Malcolm, yes.

THAT'S what we need to see.

Yeah, I promise you, I can deliver.

I can see that.

She's got Bette Davis eyes.

You're going to do this. Brilliant, thank you, Malcolm.

Fucking useless.

She is unstoppable and she loves you.

Because a wine tasting is not a night out, it's an admission of defeat.

You might as well go to...

Er, Jo, I'll call you back

Hiya, I thought you were bollocking Dan Miller?

Oh, I am.

Right, is he...?

I'm in the middle of slamming his smug face

into a verbal deep fat fryer.

You know Dan, of course, don't you? Why don't you sit down and join us?

Er... Join us!

I don't know if you've met Mrs Susan Doherty?

Mrs Doherty is a quiet fucking batperson, or a fucking motorway mingebag,

or whatever the fuck we're calling these fickle shits this week.

I'm going to get a coffee, do you want anything?

I'll have a fucking Fanta. OK.

You know what I think I did wrong last year?

I think I set off on the wrong foot

because I actually have a bit of a problem with left and right.

It's like directional dyslexia or dyspedia, dys... PHONE BEEPS

It's one of the dys... Oh, I'm doing it now.