Erm, it's...it's my 30th anniversary

and I popped home for lunch after the Silicon Playgrounds launch

which is literally round the corner

and I'll be staying late to make up for it.

Are you turning schools into teenage sweatshops?

I...I...I'm sorry if this is proving a complex idea.

Pupils will receive

a digital dividend towards their higher education fees.

The dividend is optional, though. You can get cash instead?

No, you can't. I'm sorry. We're quoting your junior minister.

I see. Minister, do you think you came across this morning

as a fibre-optic Fagin?

That's a ridiculous phrase.

Well, that again is a quote from your junior minister.

Minister, is that a bottle of champagne?

Drinking on the job, Minister? It...It's a...a half bottle.

As I said, it is my anniversary and I have just recycled it.

Er, thank you.

Less of a Fagin and more of an Artful Dodger, is that what this is?

Run those fuckers over. 50 quid for every one you maim.

I've got a blank page. You dictate.

It should have been done like, an hour ago.

Thanks a fucking bunch, mate!

I couldn't have looked more of a twat

unless I'd announced it dressed as a mermaid with scallops on my tits.

I'm angry too, Peter. I spent a lot of time on that policy

that you just raped in a ditch. Your stupid idea in the first place.

What are your ideas, Peter? We'd love to hear them!

A public information film on the best wine to have with fish?

A butler on every street corner?

This is a long game, Fergus. I've been around a lot longer than you

and I'll still be here when they rip your name off your door

and turn your office back into something useful

like a spare toilet. Both of you desist!

You have caused me to raise my voice and I do not like it.

I reserve this level of anger for when I'm flying Ryanair.